Dating with a BOX #3: Absolute F*cking Gold
Digging for a good investment.
Who: Sammy, Adult Male, 39
· Location - Bondi
· Online Coach / Entrepreneur
· Looking forward to having a sex therapist as his new roommate
FOREWORD FROM THE AUTHOR:
Look by this stage I know you’re already thinking - why are you telling me he lives in Bondi AND he’s a Entre-pre-neeeeweeeeur? One is implicit it in the other. Why waste words. That’s like saying he lives in North Sydney and works in Mergers & Acquisitions. Or he’s an Investment Banker from Mosman. Or he lives in Byron Bay and shoves rose quartz up his ass on Sundays. Or he’s between the age of 25 and 45 in Sydney and he’s “not looking for anything serious at the moment” because well Peter Pan fucking did it and boy did it keep him young.
MODERN COURTSHIP BEGINS.
Things commence with the suggestion of a phonecall. I appreciate this because I feel the fine art of the phonecall has become lost, so it’s a yes from me. Shortly after the call commences, as I too have dabbled in online coaching myself, I recognise my inception into the sales process with what we know to be the “Sales Discovery Call”. Just a quick 15 minute phonecall for him to elevator pitch his back story, assess our fit to work together as client and coach (read: husband and wife) and discussing "next steps" which would involving meeting face to face.
We plan a exercise/coffee date as this was all that was allowed back in the lockdown days reigned by hot mess Gladys before the naughty goings-on with Ex, Dazza the fuckboiiii-who-keeps-on-giving had come to light. No judgement of course, we’ve all had our minds clouded and made less than desirable decisions with our metaphorical “government funds” while we’ve been stuck in the dicksand with a “Daryl” of our own.
During our walk we cover multiple topics such as his 4-hour morning routine, the fact that even though I work in IT I can’t fix his computer, nor do I have anything to do with FinTech – I feel the slight pangs of disappointment that always follow such revelations. We sit down on a park bench and delve into the most logical topic to cover 27 minutes into meeting a 36 y.o single woman…Why don’t I have any children? After we wrap up discussing our preferences for child rearing, the state of my ageing ovaries and views on geriatric pregnancies it’s probably time to move on.
He asks me if I know anything about Investing……?
Well I invested 9 years at university studying Finance and I am investing 30-60 minutes of my time in this date, so I obviously say “not a lot, no” as my interest has peaked about how this will culminate so I lie as to avoid risk of deviation from the topic at hand. All I do know is that if he brings up Bitcoin, I might see myself out.
WE DIG DEEPER....
Bitcoin is not the commodity of choice. He asks me if I know anything about investing in GOLD.
He explains to me something along the lines of the difference in the rule about carrying gold across international borders if it is in jewelry form vs. gold bullion form, in terms of the ability for the government to seize your gold in war-time. This apparently becomes particularly pertinent for when Australia goes to war with China, which he throws in for good measure is a “high likelihood” in the near future, because we’re a weak sitting duck in the middle of the pacific. At this point I feel it’s important to acknowledge the facts I have re-capped from this conversation are likely to be grossly inaccurate, you need not comment with factual corrections.
While I am still reeling from the revelations of impending war with the People’s Republic, it happens.
He casually floats… “I actually have some gold in my pocket, would you like to hold it?”… and AND PULLS OUT TWO GOLD NUGGETS FROM HIS POCKET.
It finally makes sense. THIS is how it will culminate. It has all been a segue, a lead up, an opener…. for gold nuggy show-and-tell. #Iaintsayingsheagolddigger… but maybe she’ll dig my gold?
Well, like a gold nugget - it is a simple but valuable one.
There is someone for everyone, but everyone is not for everyone and that is OK – because each of us is brilliantly unique, we have different interests and values and have vastly different things to offer the world. I found the fact we were so very different intriguing and in what was really a sneaky power move, I will actually never forget this date for it’s randomness and ability to surprise me.
Some investment advice from me? Regardless of whether we are going to war with China, invest your time in the people that show you through their actions that you ARE for them, keep on digging for those ones and be OK with letting go the ones that are not.