I'm a Prostitute of Feelings.
When it comes to feelings and there are fucks going out left-right-and-centre, this particular ongoing lusty Sex-fest is tiring - we need a control mechanism.
It's time to talk about the giving of fucks. In the sense we are speaking, let's consider your fucks to be given as finite. We need to reserve them for shit that REALLY matters, less fucks given = more energy for hiking/world domination etc or whatever floats your metaphorical boat.
But do you often find yourself WILLING yourself not to care, you know you shouldn’t, you don’t want to... but you find yourself giving ALL OF THE FUCKS. Like this picture suggests you are a gorgeous little prostitute of feelings.
You give fucks about what other people think of your job. About your figure. You give a fuck if other people accept you. You give a fuck that “Patrick, 32 from Tinder”, like the goddamn ghost that walks, just disappeared from your DMs after 3 sweet sweet dates and some passionate pants-on grinding on your sofa. You give a fuck if people find you interesting, if they like you or not, if they care about your opinion. Christ on a bike, that's 7 fucks right there. There are fucks going out left-right-and-centre, but this particular ongoing lusty Sex-fest is tiring - we need a control mechanism.
The good news is that noticing you are dropping the panties of your life on the regular and giving out fucks you would rather keep to yourself .. IS AN OPPORTUNITY. It's an opportunity to dig into the "why" of this unwanted pantie-dropping and either start allocating your fucks elsewhere, or at least just making it a quickie and moving ASAP on to greener pastures.
Your Opportunity for Fucks Storage
If you still need to WILL yourself not to care, it’s a signal to kickstart your thinking about the true reason you care & challenging that as your truth. Fucks are given when external validation is being sought, in the absence of our own internal validation. We have a negative inner dialogue about ourselves and we are looking to someone else to disprove it.
Questions to ask yourself:
What story or meaning are you giving rise to based someone else’s opinion of you?
What is the opposite or a different more empowering story?
Could that be every bit as true? Is there evidence for that?
Are there past feelings you need to process to allow you not to care?
Let's take old Tinder Paddy and his Casper-the-friendly act as an example and change some inner dialogue:
WHAT'S THE STORY?
Is the story in Paddy's disappearing act that he has rejected you? Is the additional narrative here that this is a reflection on a deficit on your part - that if you were thinner, or classier or wore different clothes, or had a different job OR <insert other not good-enoughness> but in summation: You were not enough for Paddy, in his alleged awesomeness.
<INSERT OPPOSITE / NEW STORY>
You ARE enough, you are interesting and fun, your body is loveable - you don't have to be or do more of anything. You deserve love exactly as you are.
As enough as you are, in your perfect imperfection - this does not mean you are the person for Paddy (or every person)
Now, Paddy is not trash - but unfortunately in this story he has shown he has limited capacity to respect you and communicate effectively and so we must thank him for taking himself out to the bin room.
EVIDENCE??? Yes please. We're all little cynics we need some backup....
Now I can't list your specific evidence, but I BET you - there is an area of you life where you can recognise all the good things about yourself, where people accept and love you exactly the way you are (even if it's ya Mum, that bloody ledge still counts). These don't get to be discounted and become untrue just because Paddy the limited dick-waffle walked away in a manner you were underserving of (who died and made him the Queen anyways??)
PROCESSING YOUR FEELINGS?
I'm not saying the above will be a flick of the switch, you need to continually affirm this new dialogue and find new evidence. To assist there are amazing apps out there that have meditations (I use Insight Timer) to help you let go of old stories or beliefs or help release past emotions - if this has been a repeated experience for you there's probs a little build up to be let go of.
I look forward to hearing about everyone's new storybooks and their increasing fuck stockpiles (or bulk quickies only).
Image Credit and thankyou to @theyellowhaired girl.